16 Days and Counting

The three most frequently asked questions and their answers when someone hears I am going to South Africa.

1. "Who is going with you?" No one.
2. "By yourself?!" Yes.
3. "Aren't you afraid?" No.
   

I've heard them all before and each time I groan inwardly. Maybe I'm totally naive, maybe it is just confidence that this is what I am supposed to do, or just maybe, it is faith that God has led me to this appointment and will continue with me as I go. Whatever you call it, "It" is true, and I am going alone and I am not afraid.

My friend's 43 year old niece died this past week quite unexpectedly of a heart attack. It reminded me again of just how fragile is our existence in this shell of life. Our daily choices determine the quality of this life.

Too often we fill our days with grief and regret for words left unspoken, the things we wish we could have done, the times we didn't try/go/do because were paralyzed by our fears. I choose to "live with gusto" and try/go/do even when others cringe at my impulsiveness.

Oh yes, there are things I regret having said or done and when they raise their ugly heads, I pray I have the grace to ask forgiveness of those I've wronged or offended. I pray too, they will have the grace to extend that forgiveness I seek. But, I refuse to put my living on hold for the fears that can creep in and push one into that safe haven of not trying, going, doing.

In the meantime I've tried to be smart and take care of business. The extra insurance is bought, the family knows where the "important" papers are kept, they know my "last wishes". But, most importantly I think they know how very much I love them. I never want to miss the opportunity to tell each one how special they are, to hug them tightly and say "I love you" (much to the embarrassment of the grandsons, sometimes). Of this, I want no regrets for the could/should haves.

To my friends, I pray that all is right with us. I treasure each of you. My life is richer for the great diversity of your personalities and opinions. I am forever in your debt for the support and love you extend.

So when we are really old, sitting in our rockers (off our rockers), and remembering "the good ole days", my memories will be full of the times I jumped into the deep end, did the "you got to be crazy" things, and plunged into the great unknown. I'm betting I will also remember the great blessing of being available and unafraid to go with God.

Capetown Seamstress